The Question of Sport

Sport has always been something I've felt not great about but it is something I've thought about a lot recently. After seeing Hannah Witton's video My Relationship with Sport and Exercise, I got to thinking about my relationship with sport. I'll give you a little teaser, it's non-existent. 

By default, I've always been a Manchester City fan. But because it is only my brother who's big on football, I was never actively involved in supporting them. In my life I've been to three football matches. 1. A City match I remember nothing about. 2. The London 2012 Olympics which I remember nothing about (not entirely sure it actually happened) 3.  Manchester City Women cup final win about two weeks ago.

Hearing Hannah talk about the women's team inspired me to go and see them myself. I do think it's a great thing to support because the amount of people who'll attend a women's football match doesn't even compare the number at a men's match. (Funny considering the women won that day and the men lost) I had a really great time. It makes me very nervous to watch football but it's also incredibly exciting. I don't feel the same about it when I see a match on TV than when I go in person. Usually on TV, I'm just not that invested. I'd like to be but I'm not.

When thinking about sport, what always pops up is humiliation education or as it's more commonly known Physical Education (P.E.). I hated this in school. Not because I hated sport but because I wasn't good at it. If you weren't good at sport, you were disliked in PE. There wasn't encouragement to improve so I stopped trying. Any enthusiasm I had for sports was gone after a PE lesson. And now I'm just trying to get that enthusiasm back. I will never be good at any sport. But I do think I could enjoy it again. 

This has been a little random. I didn't really have a point to make other than watch Hannah Witton and PE was awful. These were some of my thoughts on sport, feel free to share yours with me. Thank you for reading

01/10/2016

Do we talk about it? Do I have to make an excuse and apologise again? I probably should or I should at least acknowledge the situation. That works too. I am unreliable. Most of things I say I'll do, I don't. You can take this years VEDA as an example. I started by describing it as my attempt at VEDA. I use the word attempt because I know me and I knew how unlikely it was that I could make it past day three. So it makes sense that I haven't posted on here for nearly two months.

I can't say I have a point to make right now so this is just me rambling. But I guess there are a few things I'd like to say. 

Warning: I'm going to talk about being depressed again. Skip to the end if you've heard this one before. I really like writing and making videos (for the short time I did). When I stopped doing that, it was because I wasn't happy in life. I wasn't really anything. And I'm still not. I stopped writing because I didn't have the motivation anymore. Things seem kind of pointless when you're in a depression week/month/ two months/ a year/ generally in life. I can't say that I don't still feel that way but I think I realise now that I like writing and I like making videos. Why would I not be doing those things if I like them? It doesn't actually make sense. 

This must be depressing to read so here's a picture of my dog sleeping
 to lighten the mood.

I'm still scared of all of this. To be honest, I think the number one most discussed topic on here is the fact I'm terrified of being here. Every single time I think about posting I let that stop me. And it will stop me. Maybe today. Maybe next week. Maybe in a year from now. As I mentioned, I'm unreliable. (And I am not good at convincing people to come back here.) 

What's changed today is that I read a comment from someone on my last post (also realised there are two others I haven't responded to and I feel bad about that) which I wasn't expecting. I guess I forget that even when I'm not here, all the things I've said still are. Comments always make me feel better and if we're being honest, I needed that right now. 

Three weeks ago I started college. I like it a lot. But I hate it just as much. There is something about my brain that convinces me I am incapable of lots of things. I don't think I can have friends. It sounds crazy but I don't know how to be someones friend or exist in a group of people. It hurts because that's all I want. And it sounds desperate. And it is. 

This is not what I was expecting to write. I was going to talk about how I love my label maker and Halloween but here we are. I think I should leave it there. Mostly because I should be writing my assignment right now but lets not mention that one again.
This feels like a new chapter. One that is equally unreliable as the last and incredibly mediocre to read but a new one all the same. Thank you if you read this mess of a blog post. I have no idea what I'm doing but we're rolling with it.